Onion Fish
=== 1 ===
What the heck is an onion fish?
Just a metaphor for self-deception.
Is it easy to peel up? I wish!
All that armor is for my protection.
But I peel it, I cry, but I peel.
Scale by scale, being a patient lie-slayer,
And it feels like I see what is real,
But then, oops, there is one more layer.
=== 2 ===
Layer one - you are feeling disgust
At those folks doing stuff "you don't want to"
Looks like Gluttony, Pride, Greed and Lust,
So you're turning your back - not your canto!
You're a Saint; they are Sinners and dirt
You're a morality standards supplier
But the price is too steep, and it hurts
You agree to give up your desires
Look again - do you see where's the smudge?
Most of it's in your eyes, in your feelings
And you're not qualified to judge
Any soon, so just focus on peeling
=== 3 ===
Layer two - no disgust, but a bore
All those things - they just aren't worth the effort
All your urges you simply ignore,
And yourself is so easy to shepherd
Did you notice you've cheated again?
Face the truth - it's because there's no proffer.
All that out-of-reach stuff you abstain.
You "don't want" all the things no one offers
=== 4 ===
Layer three - when you misestimate
How important you are to the others
Wish the planet to spin at your rate
And ignore that indeed no one bothers
And it wouldn't help if you "explained" -
They were not being silly or scruple
Force it - and you'll go down the drain:
When you lie to yourself, life is brutal.
And don't frame them as being a "poor thing"
So you have an excuse to come rescue
And revive them with vigor and zing
And expect that they owe you and pay you
=== 5 ===
Layer four - scales are small, but so sharp!
And they're rooted so deep - fish is bleeding.
And it's like: if you lose them - you'll warp...
Stay on course and be brave - they are kidding.
Healthy people don't ask you to teach
How to live, how to grow, how to molder
And they hate it whenever you reach
With your nose peeking over their shoulder
Are they really enjoying your brags
Or amused when you're mocking on theirs?
Do they wanna be your safety bags?
Or maybe, be your charge d'affaires?
Or to guide you through life step-by-step
Or to follow your justifications
Or to jump in just to do all the prep
So you come just for congratulations
But your greed (please acknowledge that too)
Makes it tempting to get lie-assisted:
Self-assured that they want you to do
All the ugly stuff I have just listed
=== 6 ===
Let's be honest about why we need
All those scales, all those terrible liars:
For suppressing our shame for our greed
And excusing neglected desires
So, you need them, and this is for real
You cannot live without those potions:
All those scales you cannot just peel
Otherwise you will drown in emotions
Oh, emotions? A lot can be done:
Million books handle them to perfection!
But then oops, you are back to square one:
They suggest that you use self-deception.
It is easy to run from yourself
But good luck on both running and peeling
Time to turn from the bury to delve
Don't escape, turn around, face your feelings.
Let them be, let them flow and go through
And invite and accept every feeling
It will hurt, but then you will be you,
And when done - go ahead, do the peeling
This is rough, and it comes with a price -
Shields are gone, and you're right to be scared
But then oops, unexpected surprise:
Naked fish is much tougher than scaled
July 2019
(ñ) Konstantin Balashov, Beaverton, Oregon